June 1, 2006

Map.

So I took my first long bike ride on the Fixation yesterday morning. I chased a group of road bikers out of town, they were surprised to see me at every stoplight.

California has bike lanes. Everywhere. I love California.

Sloan Canyon road is only a road for a mile or so… it turns into a fenced bike/horse/hiking path. It’s not technically desert, but it should be. There were jackrabbits, cactus, sun, heat, sand, rocks, and SNAKES.

The last few miles were very uphill in the blazing sun. After a ride like that I wish my bike was 10 pounds lighter….

Dulce

Balboa Park

explained

I feel like I need to explain a lot here. I moved to California for a number of reasons. I don’t want to elaborate on them, but I’m taking a bunch of chances, and they seem to be working out.

I’m not trying to hurt anyone. I’m 21. I am an adult. This is MY life. I’m going to do what I want to do, and if I think(though I might be wrong) people will try to stop me, I’m going to avoid those situations.

I know you all have questions. Like why I picked up and left, or how I am going to get by. I can’t answer them. I did this because I felt like it was right. I don’t know how things are going to work out, I just know that they might.

I’m not trying to hurt anyone. I know you might be confused, upset, and angry. I’m doing what I have to do.

A few months ago, I started taking drugs because people convinced me I had problems beyond my control. I can say that they were the worst thing at the time. I understand why everyone thought they would be good for me, I even believed it myself. I went off the drugs soon after they started kicking in. I didn’t care about anything when I was taking them, I didn’t feel like myself. The emotional weight of my problems were still there, I just didn’t care about them. I stopped taking the drugs.

Life happened and a few things in my life disappeared. No longer did I have a situation in my life that was without any hope. I felt alive again. I had no idea how much it was affecting me.

I went through an evaluation of myself and the life I had. It turns out most of my life wasn’t mine. I was doing everything for other people. I don’t want to be in school with no direction right now, I don’t want to have a 10pm curfew.

After all the treats of being kicked out of the house, how terrible it is to have a job, and how I might never make it on my own; I decided that it was about time I try it.

I am 21. I am a adult. I should start acting like one and maybe people will start treating me like one.

I’m sorry if you’re hurt. I don’t want to hurt you. If you’re hurt by an action meant to make me happy, I can’t help you.

I love you. I’m not distancing myself from anyone, I’m bringing myself closer to things that are important to me.

my name is nick…

…and I am a bikeaholic. Maybe it’s a way to relieve all this stress, but I’ve done serious biking 7 times in the last 5 days. I’m burned out and exhausted. Anyone want to go out?

why i’m exhausted today

Last night I decided to go bike up Bliss Road again. It’s a hell climb, especially on a singlespeed(600 feet in 1.3 miles or something insane). I swung by Steves and convinced him to come along. We started heading up around 9:30. About half way up we ran into Ben, Jen, and Brady. After chatting a bit we all decided to cut through the woods and ride around for a bit near the golf course. They showed us some stuff and decided every Thursday would be night rides.

Soon we were all headed up Bliss Road again. I thought I was going to die. An out of saddle climb that long on a bike like mine sure sucks. Especially the second time. I’m glad I couldn’t downshift though, one speed forces me to go up fast. We stopped at the alpine for some drinks and went over the the top of TNT trail. I had the only “light.” If you could call it that. Just a shitty LED flashlight with a weak battery and a rubberband. I think I rode it faster than I ever have anyway. One fall, nothing major. Just a few scrapes and a bruise.

Came home at midnight.

I love bikes.

today

This morning I woke up, realizing I needed to do laundry. I scrounged up some clothes and went to class. Afterward, steve and I went up TNT, to the human powered trails, and back down TNT. It pretty much kicked my ass. Tonight Emily came over; we watched tv. I listed some stuff on ebay. Wow. This must be the dullest post ever.

I need a job like this.

Riding a bike and killing mosquitos(God’s mistake).

smith’s sucks.

I never like to shop at Smith’s. They’re just really cocky and I don’t like the way they treat me. I went today, because they’re the only bike shop open on sundays. They were nicer than usual, surprising, and I ended up buying a Sun rim for the Mercier from them. I got back and started building it, soon realizing that it was a 32 hole rim, not 36 like the tag said. Every time I go in there, it sucks. I’m not going again. Except to return this rim.

im conversation

bckpckforever: hey
jonnydubbs esq: yeh
bckpckforever: ?ot pu ahctahw
jonnydubbs esq: hcum ton
bckpckforever: achtog
bckpckforever: namreg dnuos ew
jonnydubbs esq: “gothca” ,dias ‘nikcuf uoy
jonnydubbs esq: resol
bckpckforever: em nwo t’nod uoy
jonnydubbs esq: kcus uoy ,ylsuoires
bckpckforever: wonk i